Warning Mature Content ahead!
Here’s 3 things you need to know about Katie! 1) Amongst my college besties she could actually volunteer where I have been before the pandemic 2) Like me she might have a traumatic brain injury and introduced me to my college ex 3) Coming out as Bi to her was the closest thing I had to an older sister. When you have Autism, you should know that you’re naturally a geek. The reason Katie is one of the 3 to 5 from my college days is she has a traumatic brain injury. The brain injury left her with a speech impediment!
My rule of thumb in college was the same rule of thumb in high school. Choose people to remain in contact with after graduation. This blog post is my tribute to her because I was the only friend she had and my disabilities were acquired long before we became friends. Katie has British and French Canadian ancestry and during college, I was still closeted about being bi. Now when most people think of Bi they normally think of Men and Women. Now even though I haven’t had a boyfriend, there is biphobia. The first person I liked of the same sex was back in high school and Katie didn’t get to meet him. She introduced me to a college ex but she met someone I have known for 20 years!
The best thing about the Fournier/Kanter friendship is I can make Katie laugh without trying! Her brain injury left her with a speech impediment saying, “Sam’s sense of humor is bland and British! You have to know him to understand him.”
Now LGBTQIA+ run in my family. When I do a follow up blog about my cousin Steven, he’s going to learn how importance he is because even though I’ve left the closet, when you’re Jewish you’re naturally funny. This comes with a price, you have a long list of mental health problems that starts being apparent during puberty. When I came out to my family, I had to reveal who I liked to my parents. When I came out as Bi to my family, it was tricky because amongst the
Now Katie’s go to dishes are Thai and Sushi and the former I passed onto Nelson! Katie has an alter ego from TV. Toph Beifong from Avatar the Last Airbender, Spoilers. Toph is Blind and as a kid, I had to deal with four eyes and because Katie wouldn’t watch it there are spoilers ahead
Nelson started school 2 years after I did. The pact we made no matter what happens in life we’re the other’s best man at a wedding! Now even though Nelson has an antisemitic family, this would shock Katie!
Now I was mentored by Katie to choose a twin at a Mexican Restaurant and even though my ex has 2 jobs it’s been 10 years and I can’t get along with her because the only time she tells the truth is when it’s about her. When I met Nelson, I was two years into our degree and my breakup happened a month later.
Katie and I are still friends even after college. On Memorial Day 2010, she met someone I knew back in high school. We met the summer after my Bar Mitzvah and even though Katie and I met in college, she taught it means what it to have a sister that’s not related by blood!
While I got to go to Israel, she wasn’t jealous, coming out to her was one of the easier ones. Although she’s never met the guy I liked in high school, Leaving the closet was tough to do but Katie was one of the easier ones! I was outed to my ex, she has what I call the Macchio effect, every day she acts younger and younger,
Katie has what I call the Macchio effect. The Macchio effect is named after Ralph Macchio it’s where someone physically looks younger than their biological age. Katie’s on her way to 40 but she still could pull off someone in their 20s!
Here’s why Katie and I are as inseparable as night and day! If you know one person with a brain injury, you just know that one person! Same rule of thumb when it comes to Autism!
Katie’s go to movie is Breakfast at Tiffany’s and she knows, my all time go to movie is the Big Lebowski. When you have someone with a brain injury, they can’t remember anything post their accident. Katie DID get to meet one of the 3 to 5 from High School! Autism gives you a memory where you can remember things but you can’t always pick up on social skills.
With Jewish genetics, you’re liable to have mental health diagnostics like Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression etc. When it comes to scrabble, I’m pretty intense and faced one of the world’s oldest form of bullying; Anti-Semitism!
Now Katie’s obviously not Anti-Semitic thus making it easier to tell her about being bi. When I came out to her I didn’t have to mention the David Yost interview at all! In Layman’s terms David was harassed for being gay in the 90s. In this blog, one thing Katie has yet to do after life after college is play a scrabble match against me and whether she wins or loses, she’ll get to meet my cousin Steven! Now disabilities run in my family. She didn’t meet the person I had same sex attraction to but my feelings for him are now an expired coupon because it was senior year. I just consider him high school family.
Katie is college family and comes from all girls and knows everything about my life and I know she looked death in the eye and told it, I can’t die yet!
In College I found out who my real friends are after a breakup that felt like a Kennedy Affair. Now my Cousin Steven has been interviewed for this blog before and Katie’s older than both of us! Now I’m the elder of two brothers but even though Katie hasn’t met him since he’s on the other side of the country. I had a falling out due to a suicide and since I’ve been volunteering since before the pandemic, I might have been Katie’s only friend during our degree days but I’ve been volunteering in mental health and if you can get me to use foul language, I’d only swear in a script. 2 years later, Nelson started and even though he has a history of Anti-Semitism and his family treats him like the youngest, he might have enjoyed a good bagel before we met but when my ex and I broke up, I felt more like Johnny Lawrence as opposed to Daniel LaRousso.
Katie’s one of the 3 to 5 I’d invite to a wedding and that’s why if I become a dad, she’ll be Aunt Katie. A lot of people took my ex’s side of the breakup. Katie’s stubborn streak made it clear that it clear to anyone during our college days. I’M SAM’S FRIEND NOT EMILY’S, AUTISM, BIPOLAR, I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!!!
My favorite memories of Katie during college:
- She got to meet the numero uno from my high school! Katie is the numero uno from college. When I met Katie’s family she’s the baby of 3. In Jewish culture someone doesn’t have to be related to you by blood to become family!
- Katie can take a joke at her expense and so can I albeit appropriate! Katie set me up with my ex and I bought her flan (which is a custard)
- When I was in college, my breakup was like a celebrity affair or the final fight of Karate Kid 1 and I was more or less Johnny Lawrence! The lion’s share of the students were on my ex’s side. I wouldn’t be writing this blog of Katie took my ex’s side
Now I’ll be honest, Katie’s brain injury left her a little wiser. Now Katie was one of the easier people to tell because I was her only friend in college but home life…. Oy that’s tough!
Katie’s parents divorced when she was 6. Now the fights became more and more apparent in high school because the fights would cause Autism overstimulation at home. Now I was Katie’s only friend in college, both of us were on student leadership. What she did is allow me to play stowaway to a Freshman only event.
Now Katie and I graduated 8 years ago! Because I was her one and only friend I made sure I had established her boundaries because this blog is about making the ends meet! In college, I went on a birthright tour to visit the land of milk and honey (Israe). Now Katie’s one of the sweetest people on the planet so she wasn’t jealous that I got to go on birthright! She introduced to my ex girlfriend and a lor of the students took her side. My ex has what I call the Macchio effect!
Now Katie and I met in college and I was the only friend she had dueing our degree days! Now I’m not the most religious Jew out there but Autism give you an enhanced memory but things like eye contact and social skills! Her ex boyfriend had an affair but I called him Old Spice and he called me Sam I am. Old Spice cheated on her and even though Katie’s 4′ 10″ I remember playfully punching Old Spice. In High School I made it up to Orange Belt!
The Kanter/Gamble breakup
Now I met the Gamble Twins in Fall 2010. Here are some of my favorite movies from that year. Albeit not in any particular order
- Toy Story 3
- How to train your dragon 1 (I went to How to Dragon 3 to honor Alexandra Olson. Someone from my synagogue who killed herself in 2016. So I see her as an aunt who passed away)
- The King’s Speech
- Black Swan
My ex and I discussed The Princess Bride, we had lunch at a restaurant and I was still living at home. We watched the princess bride and she saw something I started in 4th grade, I was interviewed for it before high school (August 25, 2003) in my sophomore year, I gave a speech on the anniversary of 9/11. The reason I put the dates on their is so Katie can know when when the event happened. I met Nelson in May 2012 and Emily and I broke up on June 7th. Although we aren’t together anymore. I met Alex that September.
2 college stories!
To our dear sweet director!
Now I’ve been a Star Wars fan since I was 8. One thing I promised Beau Billingslea (Jet Black from Cowboy Bebop) is that I’d go through Star Trek! So far I have gone through the Abrahams Trilogy! Most of the bullying I’ve received is verbal! My tourmate Jenna, knows my hidden meaning of August 28th, 1993 story! Now this comment our director said to me and no one was around to witness it. My college protege has Autism too and he’s completely different than me. After my breakup with Emily I did 10 leadership conferences behind the background due to her prejudice. I even faced prejudice from a lesbian. For Homework we had to a read a book and even though I like to read as a hobby, because of my eyesight trouble that was apparent since childhood, using audiobooks makes it easier! Even though I graduated college in 2014. Katie even called her a bitch when we had one on one conversation. I actually call her the Forever Nazi. The Forever Nazi ego is Marnie Milfinstern. Sam’s thoughts was established in Fall 2013, I also donated a gallon of blood in 2013 and got an individual student award!
As for my brother….
Now I started living on my own in September 2012 and I was still earning my college degree, I had an intense roommate in 2012 and then my dad asked me to take my kid brother in! Now here’s the thing about my brother and I growing up didn’t get along at once growing up! When you’re Jewish here are things a Jewish person would know:
- Jewish Holidays have a lather rinse repeat formula! We pray, we’re thankful, let’s eat
- You have to memorize two schedules: American Holidays and Jewish Holidays! Jewish holidays go by the phases of the moon)
- After your Bar or Bat Mitzvah mental health becomes apparent during puberty! It also makes you the funniest person in the room. In college I met another Jewish person who didn’t know what Yom Kippur was
Now I’m a very patient man most of the time, I had an online girlfriend that took advantage of my trust with Nelson and I mentioned Rabbi Latz to her and the reason I mentioned Rabbi Latz to her is because he’s one of my gay heroes. A clubhouse member once a blog to explore the gay side of my blog and THAT is password protected because Bisexuals are the largest community of the LGBTQIA+ community and even though I use he/him/his pronouns. my last girlfriend took advantage of my trust and flirted with Nelson!
GRADUATION and things for Katie to do thereafter!!!
Now after my ex and I broke up, the first thing I did in my mental health was something I call the teenybopper empire! During my senior presentation I made everyone laugh without even trying. Katie describes my humor as being “very bland and very British.” her words not mine. Both of us can slip into Liverpool accents. Here’s a movie recommendation for my “sister who’s a midget with an accident”
Because of Katie’s accident, she has a lot of memory troubles. If you meet a person with a brain injury you just know that one person and the same rule of thumb when it comes to people with Autism. Here are some memories I want to treasure because she was able to teal Mr. Grimm (The grim reaper) directly in the eye and tell it to fuck off!
Here are some future events I want Katie to put in a small treasure box:
- She has met my closest friend from high school! I’ll omit his name because he doesn’t want to be mentioned online. I’m sure Katie knows who I’m talking back
- Katie and her sisters see me as a member of their family. Win, lose or draw she’ll be introduced to my cousin Steven after a game of scrabble or After she tries Black Friday Mexican food. Black Friday Mexican food is Mexican food but here’s the catch! Marinate it with Orange Juice, Almonds and Cranberries. As a cook, this is my favorite thing to make! Because of her accident, it’s harder to remember things but she’s a lot of fun to talk to!
- Katie and I are both foodies and when we graduated, I ran into are director thrice. Although I held my tongue. On the plane ride home which now only reoccurs during her birthday. Here’s my nightmare in a nutshell: I was murdered by the director. I was married to Emma Watson and she told everyone that I killed myself. Emma brought me back to life using the Monster Reborn Yugioh cared. So because of the breakup I came up with what I call the teenybopper empire and what I call the director is “the forever Nazi”
- My Aunt died in 2018 and before her death I was given to audiobooks as presents for birthday presents. Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire. Now my brother and I would constantly get into arguments. As kids it was rain in Seattle, my fault and my dad wanted to live with him during college and he found out I hadn’t had sex yet. Because I couldn’t go to her celebration of life, I felt frustrated with my mom. Katie gets to referee a scrabble match with my Cousin Steven and I. As she will be a neutral party and my achilles heel is i’m too trustworthy and I’m not good at math. That’s why when I get married Steven he’s automatically a groomsman. Steven or Steve or “The Steve” gets to pass along my recipes, he gave the “I’m gay!” talk to his friends first and his family second. Telling Katie I was bi was one of the easier ones. My dad shouted at me and had to learn my “gay” crush was in high school. My supposed “gay side of Sam Kanter’s brain is mostly password protected. Katie never met the person I liked back in high school but Steve gave me the strength to tell my family. That’s why he gave me the strength to tell my family. As for my shmuck of a brother. The blogs I write about being bi are password protected. My first ex that I was open about was an on again off again online relationship for 7 months. With Katie being 5 years my senior, the first ex I told was Dana and I thought she was cute but she took advantage of my friendship with Nelson!
- (Sam takes a deep breath) Ok this paragraph won’t be easy to write because it brings up the David Yost interview. Katie and I are 5 years apart in age and even though I never met David, I can’t go to conventions due to Autism overstimulation and to protect my mental health! This is from 2010!
I knew I was Bi around high school but there’s a difference between coming out vs being outed. Being outed is where you reveal a sexuality other than straight behind another person. When I told my mom, she interrogated me until she got the answer. Because Roe VS Wade got disapproved, after Fuzzy died of Epilepsy. I vowed to continue my education. Now I came out 3 months into Covid-19. My Cousins Itamar and Steve know even though both of them are gay. Katie was one of the easier people to tell because she’s the closest thing I have to an older sister! My younger brother doesn’t know because it’s another thing he’d use to take advantage of me for. Telling Nelson was one of the toughest to tell because his family is very prejudiced against me already. Nelson’s family is already Anti-Semitic, so the rule of thumb I gave him was, “if you see me with a boyfriend, don’t freak out!”
Now I’ve been volunteering in the cafeteria since Thanksgiving 2016. This blog is password protected Katie found out I haven’t had sex and when she and ex were together my favorite memory of us during college is during an environmental science class. The instructor said our event was scheduled on April 20th and for rebuttal I said, “Great! You scheduled our event on National Stoner Day!” April 20th is Hitler’s birthday and for me, World War 2 is an interesting thing to topic to talk about.
Since Nelson and I saw a movie about Suicide Bombing an Israel together, One thing I want to do with Katie, Nelson and Alex in the same room is watch Schindler’s List and Munich together!
One of the lighter scenes in the latter is my favorite scene in Munich is the reason Eric Bana’s in charge as because he knows how to make a good Brisket. Now I have been volunteering since Thanksgiving 2016! Katie is the type of friend who will do something for me in a heartbeat! Whereas she calls me “geek” or “nerd” it’s a term of endearment! One thing I want to do with her is go on vacation with her and since I found a lucky lady in California, this is how this is her window into Katie!
Where would Sam like to go on vacation with Katie and a future someone in his future?
Now look when my dad moved away to Arizona in 2018, I helped him move! One of the states we drove through was Idaho! We picked up a slice of Pizza in Nevada! We ate at a casino and there was a statue of Darth Vader and a Storm Trooper at a Casino! Now Katie knows my favorite movie of all time is Big Lebowski but one thing I did as a hidden favor to Katie is introduce Nelson to Thai Food. For our Senior Lunch we had Fried Chicken. Now after I graduated I became a HUGE fan of Chicken and Waffles! if Katie doesn’t know the origins, here it is!
Now even though I am a fan of Chicken and Waffles, it takes the bronze in breakfast dishes. My other favorites include Pancakes as my uncle taught me how to make them. My favorite thing to have for breakfast is a slice of French Toast! Even though Katie’s not Jewish, her attorney was after her accident. Now because Katie didn’t attend my birthright tour one of the dishes we had was called Shakshouka (Shock-SHOE-kuh) which is an egg and Tomato Casserole served at breakfast! Now one holiday that provides me with being humble is Yom Kippur! My ex is now a volunteer and because I referenced the David Yost interview, it’s been 10 years since our breakup, the lion’s share of the students took my ex’s side but Katie stayed strongly to me! During Yom Kippur one must refrain from 24 hours and fast and atone for the sins! During Yom Kippur there’s what’s known as Break the fast which is in layman’s terms is Breakfast for Dinner!
Now when Nelson comes over one thing we agreed to do is have French Toast. Unfortunately I have to quarantine myself because Nelson hasn’t been vaccinated once! After he graduated but before the Pandemic happened, Nelson got try Matzoh Ball Soup for the first time and we watched Shazam together!
My buddy Josh has met Nelson. We agree that Nelson has a Jewish soul because Autism gives you a memory and the Jewish mind thinks in questions. Katie should know one of the ins about being Jewish. Your mind thinks in questions!
In conclusion, Sam, who’s Rabbi Latz???
Spoiler Warning! I’m going to full geek mode for the conclusion!
In 2015, LGBTQIA+ marriages became legal and Rabbi Latz is originally from Minnesota. I had a falling out with someone who’s Gay in college and it was because of a suicide in 2016 and the person who did it was 53. In 2018 he was whining for his boyfriend. I came out as Bi 3 months into the pandemic and because I have that special someone, I want her to see my nerdy side. Now where it comes to people who are Jewish, I often get turned down. Nelson’s sister was cute but after I finished college, Nelson got promoted to best man.
When my aunt died in 2018, I wasn’t allowed to go to her celebration of life. Now even though she’s dead, when my mom came home from the celebration of life, she revealed that my cousin Steven is gay. Now Stevn, Steve or “The Steve” is a once in a blue moon type. I’m going to include some clips from the movies albeit that Daniel Radcliffe has an ego for playing Harry Potter. The books my aunt gave me are Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire and one of my celeb crushes is Emma Watson!
Because of Katie’s accident, she’s eligible to volunteer. Even though I’m autistic, I’m very highly functioning! Nelson is now the best man at my wedding and even my closest friend from high school is he’s the titular man for the job! Before the wedding can begin. I want him to meet Katie F and Nelson in the same room and while I’m unsure what to put on the menu I can sum up Rabbi Latz in one word… Zordon! (Yes Katie I said the Z word. what are you going to do because you set me up with the twins! This is your blog post on why your my older sister!)
Now every Jewish person knows the ancient art of Chinese Food on Christmas! Because of Covid I came up with Thai Food on Passover! Since Sarah M and some other people I’m going to send my blog to and they’ve never heard me swear unless the rubber hits the road… The guy i “liked” as in same sex attraction was back in high school. He’s very sweet but he’s religious as fuck!
Here’s the difference between Nelson and the person I thought was cute in high school. This person always remembers to wish me things like Happy Passover, Happy Hanukkah and a Humble Yom Kippur!
The Wedding in South Carolina… That hasn’t happened… yet!!!
It took me 2 years to recover from Fuzzy’s Death! One thing that Katie will get to eventually try is Black Friday Mexican. Where I’ve been volunteering since Thanksgiving 2016 is a mental health facility and I volunteer in the cafeteria! I’ve been asked to perform 3 tasks. I met the couple online and it’s an interracial couple! Their names are Tammy and Alex R.
What I’m getting for Tammy and Alex, I plead on the 5th amendment of the constitution! There are 3 tasks in which I’ve been asked to do at to do at this wedding!
- Make Fish Tacos at the wedding!
- Walk Tammy down the aisle since her Father died of lung cancer at 56 (RIP Jerry Roland)
- Perform my standup comedy! Tammy and Alex saw my standup online
Tammy losing her dad was the toughest day of her life because she was only 26!
This is the gig I’ve been waiting for my entire life. I graduated high school with a B average and the first president of the world culture’s club and was in the student newspaper 4 times. In college I went for a degree in disabilities to help you find work! Fact about people with Autism: We’re the hardest to employ! I went to 10 leadership conferences behind the director’s back. The straw that broke the camel’s back was she scheduled an alumni dinner the first night of Passover! I ran into her 3 times after college and to this day, I had to get comfortable with the uncomfortable and since college was stressful, I call her the forever nazi! At this wedding I have some jokes about college and I’m not going to post any here since the wedding hasn’t happened. For Tammy’s bachelorette party, I decided to have her do a pow wow and introduce her to the people who stood by me after the breakup which made my ex have an ego like Charlie Sheen!
What will Sam’s wedding be like?
Now Nick Robinson is a Seattleite. One thing you only know if you’re a native Seattleite is well two things 1) how we say “fuck!” and “I’d like a glass of water!” Now I’ve always wanted to write an autobiography about my life called Shattering the Ice! My celebrity crush on Emma Watson would be called, Fuck you, you’re in Slytherin! If I were to make a play about my life I’d call it Jabba the Hutt misses his butt! Now one of Katie’s go to dishes is Thai food and I introduced it to Nelson after he finished College and the way I made him unofficially Jewish by doing an overnight visit to my Uncle Aaron’s house. It’s a 3 hour train ride back and forth. Uncle Aaron is my hero and he and Mom started getting along after my grandpa died in 1975! Since this is a blog about Katie, one of my memories is having a Rum and Coke at her graduation party.
Because Nelson and I are practically each other’s brother, Katie is the older sister I wanted to have. I gave myself the bi talk after an ex girlfriend expected sex! I broke up with her because she wanted to learn about Pokemon to benefit her kids. Even though my ex and I have to work together. My college girlfriend I’ve let go of my animosity and before she started volunteering where I volunteer, I pictured her with a shaved head and demanding to try what I could cook within the clubhouse!
SAM”S VOLUNTEER JOB SINCE 2016!!!
One of the reason’s Rabbi Latz is a personal hero of mine is he came out during the aids epidemic. He got ordained in 2000 and he’s a vegetarian and I told Nelson stories about him. Nelson’s only allergy is BBQ Sauce. When I get married, I’ll prepare a nice Vegetarian meal for Rabbi Latz and we’ll have a triangle discussion before the wedding because with Nelson his parents Anti-Semitism doesn’t just hurt me, but it hurts Nelson. The only person who gives a damn about our brotherhood is the second oldest in pecking order.
Before the pandemic I was able to serve 20 plates of Chicken and Waffles and 20 plates of Spaghetti and Meatballs. My dad thinks my magnum opus is my meatloaf. Fast forward to 2022. The Gamble Twins are back. Now I have a buddy in Indiana who I’m close to who’s also on the spectrum. Because of all my talents, I was Katie’s best friend in college and the idiom she gave me is Original Green Ranger.
Now I’m what I call a retired power rangers fan. I got into some stuff after Fuzzy passed away. I started learning about the Japanese version
Even though Katie is important in my life, I want her to have some memories of life after college
What would these memories be???
- Now Katie knows that my brother is an absolute shmuck! He doesn’t even the chutzpah to admit he’s a bully now during the wedding in SC he’ll be mentioned in the comedy but I’ll change his name!
- Now Katie let me play stowaway on a freshman only event, I bought my ex a flan (which is a Mexican custard it’s not a cake) In high school I was a troublemaker but a B average student. Because the Gamble twins are now volunteers and Katie played matchmaker and I was outed to my ex I had to channel my inner Rabbi because the twin I didn’t date is as sweet as a bowl of rice pudding as for the twin I did date, it’s like having me blindfolded and forced to a mushroom and Swiss cheeseburger! When Tom Felton apologized to the Trans community he admitted he had the pallet of a 7 year old. As someone who got bullied at home, school and synagogue my escapes growing up were 1) Reading 2) Collecting Action figures in 4th grade 3) My standup comedy career 4) Lord of the rings in high school (my parents fights were becoming more and more apparent and would cause Autism overstimulation at home 5) The 90s Batman Cartoons were incredible Both original with Conroy and Batman Beyond with Will Friedel 6) Of course the glue that helped me escape the anti-Semitism from Nelson’s parents.
- Now the Gamble twins are current volunteers where I go to honor a suicide. What I was told over the phone is “Alexandra’s with G-d now!” My original choice for Best Man was an asshole when it came to the suicide in my synagogue. So because I’ve been volunteering in mental health and my ex is now once again in my life, Fuzzy would describe my ex as a putty patroller who doesn’t shut the fuck up.
I published Raven’s here on Sam’s thoughts because mom was crying on her way to the hospital and because I have a village kvetch (Yiddish for whiner) where I’ve been volunteering she gets to know bupkiss about my life outside of clubhouse walls (Bupkiss, Yiddish for nothing!)
Raven’s cause of death was Kidney Failure but my favorite memories of her are walking her because she walked like a panther, When she first brought her home, she was my cuddle buddy and she knew I had Autism without even say anything.
Because my ex and I are now co-workers and because Katie mentored me unofficially, I drew up a reasonable contract that my health teacher Ms. Ewing would be proud of as she gave me a condolence voicemail after Fuzzy died!
Now the Gamble twins told me they wanted to be seen as individuals, not as a unit. I’ve still held up that boundary after the breakup. I won’t mention their first names but I am publishing this contract here on Sam’s thoughts because after Fuzzy died, I drew up a boundary list and because the twins are in their 30s my mom remembers them being constantly at each other’s throats!
Now there’s a new staff, his name is Noah! Noah and Michael are the two staff I’m closest to. Noah is aware of my sexual orientation. Michael and I are closer in age and my rule of thumb when it came to the members, find ones that I could talk to other things to talk to besides a good meal. Ralph C. is an openly gay hispanic and he wants to have a blog post about being Bi! Michael is aware that I have Autism due to texts and I’m saving some money for a wedding in South Carolina because Michael has a Jewish Uncle, Michael isn’t jealous of my life before volunteering!
When I was with my ex my parents, Katie and I see her as the “you too talk too much” type. I was outed to her behind my back, my ex needs to stop being overly talkative and learn to sing Daiyenu!
Here are the 6 rules of the contract because my ex is too thin skinned and in layman’s terms it’s like dealing with my brother in makeup! (This blog will reference things from my side of the relationship!)
- College is ancient history! (The lion’s share of the students Nix Katie, two people named Sean and a guy named Alex were the only people who helped me get back up on my feet. My first step in recovery was to establish something called the teenybopper empire. The teenybopper empire is my autistic code name for college but the leadership conferences helped me survive college besides donating blood)
- If both of us are within clubhouse we have to form a truce. (This is something High school health teacher would understand and that’s why don’t want to have a relationship with her daughter. I met her daughter at my high school graduation party. When Fuzzy died she accidentally called him Fluffy) Emma Watson was given a hamster named Milly. Since both of them are in heaven, I’m sure fuzzy’s now married to her!
- My apartment is a safe spot for my ex’s sister. (While in the relationship, the sister was the nicer of the two and although my ex and her are in her sister are in their 30s my ex has some skeletons in her closet but now I know how their mom feels and my parents thought) If my ex’s sister wants to watch a movie, advice on living alone, learn a recipe, I’ll send them to my ex because right now we’re co-workers.
- We’re co-workers now and we don’t have a choice in the matter! The sister is going to interview me on Sam’s thoughts. The sister’s ex boyfriend I have known since high school (my Yoda imitation always cheers him up on a rainy day) The sister will interview me on Sam’s thoughts first my ex goes ssecond! I wouldn’t date the sister but I will be her mentor! The sister goes first and my ex goes second
- The more we see each other within the clubhouse and my ex will be allowed more apartment visitation
- If my ex can stop having the Macchio effect on her life, we can have a reasonable relationship outside of clubhouse walls again. The Macchio effect is named after Ralph Macchio. There’s a Ralph where I work and if the actual Ralph Macchio met me and this is part of my standup, I’d say, “Hola Como Estas Senor Babyface?” That’s Spanish for How are you Mr. Babyface. My ex is the same age as my brother. If she can let the other person have an ebb and flow conversation. Ralph Macchio was born in 1961 but he looks like he was born in 1991. My ex might be in her 30s and some of the skeletons in her closet she didn’t deserve but the difference between someone being talkative and talk AT someone. My ex is the latter and it felt like I was dealing with a child. My ex girlfriend also had Disney Princess Syndrome. Disney Princess Syndrome is not a real disability even before covid, I found out what her true colors were. Until I was 21, my favorite color was green. After coming home from birthright it became Jerusalem silver! I told the staff person in charge how you can identify Jerusalem Silver. If you hold a pinball up to the sun, you can see the reflection if you hold it up to the moon!
Now I was outed to my ex. I wouldn’t invite her to a wedding or a Bar Mitzvah or even meet Katie E. in person. My favorite movie cliche is the villain cackle. Before we dated we went to a Halloween Dance and I was the dude and my ex was Bellatrix LeStrange
What happens when Sam get’s married???
Coming out to Katie was one of the easier ones. Autism made it harder to leave the closet. I actually had a physical attraction to one of my friends but that was high school. Even though I’m not interested in him anymore. The blogs on LGBTQIA+ rights are now password protected. Katie is invited due to letting allow me to play stowaway during a freshman only event. She didn’t meet the guy I was I thought was cute in High School but even though I’m out of the closet, one of Nelson’s friends is homophobic and there was a gay student no one can stomach. He had no boundaries.
Here are some memories I want Katie to have because she reminds me of Kazooie from Banjo Kazooie
She’s also like Toph Beifong as I said before. My breakup lead to a falling out with someone I knew in Elementary School. Since Katie and I are both registered Democrats, this blog is a heavy left wing bias. When Katie comes to my wedding I’m going to honor one of Alexandra’s last wishes. Since Katie knew of Alexandra as she went to my shul (Yiddish for synagogue) I was Alexandra’s mentor into what it means to be a Jew!
Now I’m younger than Katie but I’ve already donated 4 gallons of blood! I swam 2 miles before Covid and It’s a goal I had before turning 30. I came out to my therapist first and even though I have the contract with the gamble twins because I went to 10 leadership conferences and one of my jokes about dating a twin is There’s no I in team but 3 u’s in shut the fuck up!
Now if I was gay, I could forgive my ex about our relationship but even though I HAVE let sleeping dogs lie when it comes to my ex she’s thin skinned but I did host a talent show before she started volunteering and when I saw her name on the roster I felt like a bat out of hell!
The rule of thumb where I volunteer is if a volunteer brings a guest, than they have to pay their own way. I gave one of the people who I volunteer with a pinball because what he doesn’t know about me is I was bullied to Uranus and back!
We have the same favorite Netflix show Cobra Mother-fucking Kai! The hispanic character Miguel is for Katie to know what I was like in high school!
3 years after Katie and I were into our degree I met Nelson! and here are some memories for Katie to remember since I’m her best friend in college!
- Take her to where I’ve been volunteering before the pandemic (the two big no-no’s are onions and spicy. I love the latter and even recommended the latter to a staff who’s a cobra Kai fan). He knows about the wedding in South Carolina
- Pass the torch on my recipes to Katie por gratis (for free) My ex has to get them as part of our contract
- Katie is pretty much family at this point. Even though I’m out of the closet, her reaction was more or less, “I don’t give a damn! You’re Sam. You’re not defined by your sexuality!”
- My most recent ex Dana took advantage of the brotherhood I have with Nelson and although she admitted to being Big Beautiful Woman and although she’s a talented singer, she’s a dumbass for flirting with Nelson.
- I set up this Blog on Sam’s thoughts with Katie’s boundaries. that way my bro can be introduced to her as Sam’s friend who’s a fun person to hang out with on a rainy day in Seattle!
- Because of the standup starting in high school, that training never goes away. I feel very lucky to have found her in college and since my standup in South Carolina hasn’t happened our friendship has reached its Bar and Bat Mitzvah!
- During the Wedding I’ll do a rehearsal as part of the bachelorette party. Nelson is one of the guests I’ll invite. When it’s my turn to get married, here’s what’s going to happen: Nelson will give a speech and he’ll pass the microphone off to Katie E. She’ll give a speech as well and she’ll give a context clue to me and then I’ll give a context clue to me and I’ll perform! Since Katie met my high school health teacher during our Freshman Panel
On the next Sam’s thoughts!!! Ralph C. has requested an exploration into the supposed gay side of my brain! Now I had a mentor from Texas named Abel who told his campers no swearing. That having been said, I only do swear when the rubber hits the road. Shit hit the fan at clubhouse and even though an old flame has returned from college she needs to learn how to be a team player as for Katie, she’d see it as a fun place for me to volunteer! Roe vs Wade might have gotten overturned but Katie is one of the most amazing people my bro Josh and my Cousin Steve need to meet!
May the force be with you, Live long and prosper and mttppu my dear readers!
With all due respect,
PS If the Katie in question is reading this blog, when we first met back in 2009, she could still pass for a high school student and now that she’s on her way to 40, she could pass for someone in their 20s. Katie’s Family are all short. Katie could put the village kvetch in her place. Although the village kvetch is aware of the twins. I made both of them sign the contract so that even though the relationship with my ex is over, she needs to learn there may be I in team but three U’s in shut the fuck up!
Now I have 3 big collections but here’s to help Katie what I was like and since I want her to meet Katie E before the wedding and I want her to see us as Luka and Gai. Here are some memories I want Katie to have now that we’re out of college!
- the first collection is EVERYONE knows about my action figure collection. I started it in 4th grade and got interviewed for it upon entering high school! to this day it makes my parents go berserk!
- I have a media library in my apartment. It’s meant to represent myself at different ages! Katie E has a son and now I have a nephew thanks to Autism soft topics
- I have what’s called the “Less than 10% box” The Less than 10 box is a line said by Billy during the Green Ranger story arc. Now even though I’m out of college, one side effect is I have a grudge against the director. She might as well have said, “Fuck the Kike!” to me. Kike is a derogatory term you only know if you’re Jewish. The Michael Richards incident and Britney Spears Shaving her head were my senior year of high school!
Katie is a once in a blue moon friend and even though we met in college, I’m just one person on the spectrum and she’s just one person with a brain injuryy! Our next step is to go on vacations together and her to meet my crew!.